The night is hard to pass by...
Memories of you keep floating...

Where are you now?

Have you been sleeping soundly?

Have you eat full full?

I guess I have given myself enough pressure...

I guess I'm the most dumb dumb girl on earth ba..

I'm back le.. with my answers... knock knock.. you still there?

Sorry to make you sad.

Sorry to make you wait.

I'm back...

Cry... Cry as much as you want today... N stand up again..
It's always this case, isn't it? But this time is different, I've hurt a person, someone important..
Tears keep flowing, Mind keep floating.. what has happen to me? Y am I soo emotional? Is it the fact that I still cannot accept the way he treat friends? or is it I've seen the future?

Is it possible for 2 different worlds of people to be together? Am i thinking too far? Even if I knew it's wrong, I've skip a step or 2 already.. Before I knew it, I've acknowledge you as my hubby.. I want you to be mine. Blame my possesiveness.. You are not oblige to wait for me. Anyway, I've scared off 2 already... If you leave, I won't blame you.. I think I'm destined to scare people off.. wahahaha..

You are as free as a bird, and I'm like the bird cage.. You don't deserve this.. You deserve better.. You should fly as high as you want.. and not get tied down to me.. I don't wanna you to change, it's the same as you don't want me to change.. Things might get more tight as we continue, promises are weak.. But if I wish it to be strong and still ,and I wanna a definate answer.. Can I?
I guess I've skip lots of steps le.. I don't know how to be a girlfriend... realli... I realise.. that I don't know how to be one... All along, I wanted to be your lao po..
Sorry for all these confusion... I've lose control.. I've taken myself to be your wife, not girlfriend.. All these while..
I know you're not ready... Don't ever think of blaming yourself.. I'm asking for the impossible
So I've decided to take a rest.. sorry for my selfish decision..

When you call me your lao po.. dun know why.. I feel warm.. haha.. Maybe to me, I've another family member le.. One more person to care for, One more person to cry with.. One more person to laugh with, one more person to love..
I'm someone who will give my whole heart out.. it shouldn't be the case right?
So slowly, I've taken things for granted and took myself as your wife.. but it should not be this case right? I should be your girlfriend first...

I know I'll regret if I lose you, I'll definately would...

Please remember:
Try not to get too drench when it's raining, you'll catch a cold..

Remember to eat your meals

Remember don't get hurt, or any injuries.. you clumsy apple...

Don't drink too much coffee... it's not good for stomach... ( I know you cannot control)

Save money ok?! Don't spend it much on games...

And, delete my number... so that you won't have the urge to message and call me...

I don't know when I'll get my answers, neither do I want you to wait forever...
But I just wanna let you know: Thank you for calling me your lao po all these while.. I love you too, lao gong..

Actually, I don't know anything...
I don't know that he can't drink milk, when everyone else does.. One good question is ask: Am I really his girlfriend? And when I ask others, she said she know it from another blog...
Wahaha... others know him more than I do, what a great girlfriend am i...
Though it's not necessary to know his details though, but it just goes to show how deep I know him...
I know nothing of him, nothing... and, a few days ago, I've just questioned him how deep he knows me? Good gracious, I don't even qualify to ask... How good a wife I can be??? Sobz... Feel like crying badly now... but no tears come out...

From young, I've been trained not to cry.. everytime I cry, my mum will scold and ask me to get out... I'm not allowed to cry... So I've hidden myself somewhere dark, in the corners of my room and quietly let my tears flow...

I remember.. I love bathing the best... cause I'll not know whether it's my tears flowing, or is it the shower... Then, I'll take a nap and stand up again...

But, in front of him... I've cried comfortably... I've cried like I never cry before... tears would just flow... N even if i hide myself, crying silently.. he would know.. I realli realli miss him now... hubby...

I feel super useless at times... I dunnoe what I can give.. though I know you expect nothing... But, a gal like me... who love to act strong, who is possesive, who have lots of burden, who is rough... R u willing to accept?

haizx... I still dunnoe how to put the C box... gotta ask someone to help me!! Anyway, just went out with him today... Sooooo Happy lorx... haha... dun envious, dun envious...

Have a nice dinner at Chong Pang... 1 veg, 1 meat and 1 soup... plus 3 bowls of rice =$14.90...
Super cheap and worth it lorz.... the fish maw soup is Mmmmm..... delicious... Not to mention the rest is as good as well... heehee.. Can explore more dishes there... somemore, the waiter there all male de... but old uncles lar... hahahaha...

Anyway, today i dress nice nice and see him... heehee... he got notice... which is good... heehee.. I wanna keep that smile of his... Others glances are just extra, but nevertheless, I dun mind it... haha... What a show off am i.. But there's only one thing i dun wanna let ppl noe... That I'll keep mum to it... heehee... it's a secret... shhhh....

Anyway, gtg lo.. muackx..

Today is another day... like any other day.. it's always full of surprise...

I've finally received my custom made accessories... sooooo pretty!!! must wear and show others.. heehee..
Yesterday, silly say i become more feminie le.. maybe it's the power of love ba.. Just feel like being pretty and to show him... hopefully, to see him smile.. haha... I'm such a show off..

Anyway, it's been a long time since I've type some stuff to my blog.. but been very extremely busy.. especially, when this month of march, soo many people b-day... wah... maybe lots of parents feel that March is an auspicious month ba.. haha.. Joking..

Been talking to him about how I felt and some of my inner feelings which was meant to be a secret...
haha.. though it's a secret, but in the end still tell him.. Maybe I'm about to reach the limit le ba... but no matter what, I'll never let go of the happiness that comes not easily.. Must treasure..
Perhaps time will let me get used to it... N teach me how to accept it... N let him slowly slowly change bit by bit... though I dun really mind the present him..
Besides, what I've loved him for is what he is all along.. no hiding, no changing...
Just that what I've used not to mind... I've let it got through me due to my idiotic possesiveness... MUST CHANGE!!!! if cannot... at least soften it down...

It's getting late.. better go slp... nites everybody.. muackz:)

Sha Gua

I guess most girls are the same.. I used to be one.. I am still now...

No matter I fall down how many times, I guess I'll still be the same..

Sometimes, when you expect something different.. things went back the same ...

Haha.. Like me.. I got ditched 2 times.. yet I still chose to believe in love...

So my frenz...
Learn to let go.. It may be still hard for you to accept.. somewhere in a small corner of your heart.. Try to let go...
It may be irresponsible of me to say this... But I used to have a similar senario like yours... Yet, I've no courage like you... Cause if my family is without my mum.. who will support my siblings etc.. therefore, I've to selfishly tie her back and beg her with my tears ... and all because of my fear, not because I love her...

Now, perhaps I learn to love her.. Yet new set of problems arises and lots of complicating problems... I'm not strong. I still complain. But I will still brave every single day. I've learn to let go. So I hope you do. Hopefully, one day..... I can see your smile... I love you too my frenz...

Learn to open yourself up and tell others.. Maybe you already did just that I didn't know.. Just that I happen to be not the right one for you to confine with... However, keeping some stuff to yourself will only add to your pain and worries to others...
Talking to those important people will make them treasure you more and you will realise... that tomorrow will be another great day.. Therefore, you have to hang in there my fren...

Today is a hit.... We have a celebration for siliy's 21st B day...

It was fun and crazy... Everyone had fun.. N i even got a surprise...

Guess what was the surprise???

He turn up at the party.....<3

Seriously, it's stunning when he showed up cause a moment ago he called to say how he have suffered and how the instructor made them do rehersals again and again... N he's all tired and camoflage... N he is supposed to be confine.... Now, he stood straight in front of me and said hi.

My jaws dropped open... realli dropped open..... haha.. and my frenz stood aside recorded the whole senerio....

Haha... it's a moment to remember... and I'm sooo touch and speechless... That I feel like crying... Cause it's soo... haha.. I missed him ... real bad...

When you hardly get time to see yr boyfriend and you get to see him for only 1 hr or sooo and did not realli get to talk to him cause it's in a big group... you miss him bad... veri bad....

But seriously... I realli happy for this surprise he planned... and everybody except darius and me know.... hahaha....poor darius...

anyway, if you ever get to see my blog and though I've said it lots of time... I'll like to say this to you: I Love You.

Time. Is veri limited for me. How many things can be done in a day, when I've like tons of things I gotta do... Listen, it's gotta do, not hope to do...

Y is there only 24hours in a day? Why not 23 or 25 or any other numbers?? I gotta read history perhaps...

Yesterday watch a funny movie with my bf... It is nevertheless humorous as it contain some sexual jokes... but the funny thing is his mother join us... haha... Can you imagine you watch american pie with your bf and his mother??? seriously, it's a nice feeling... It's cozy and family like... haha.. Weird arh... But it's true...

Today...
went sch2-5pm
went ikea from5pm to 6 plus
Qi jie and Farmy BBQ 7plus to 9plus
Family BBQ 9plus to 11plus
NOW:12.14am

pretty pack... but veri happy..... heehee....

today is another tiring day whereby i start with a test and ends with work.....

But no matter how tired i am, i won't forget to give him a call or a sms ... and think of him..

Today i print 2 jerseys.. one for qi jie and one for farmy... It's their 21st.. so gotta be special... lucky got sylvia share or else veri cost heavy de... haha=P( I've got no choice but to be trueful)
Anyway they are my best pals... along with silly, xui wen, yi ru and jia qi.. they stood by me during my lowest time... no matter where I am .. they will always be there for me... Even if I told them nothing.. they knew... something is going on...

Sometimes, fate only comes once in a lifetime... so no matter what happens, I'll grab hold to who ever is important to me and treasure them... that includes him... :)
So no matter what happens, I'll not let go of my hands remember?!

Haizx... waiting for his call now.. guess he accidentally fall asleep... haha.. that reminds me of my past... where I accidentally fall asleep when someone is waiting for my call.. I guess that happens to most gals ba...

Everyone in this world r like 2 sides of coin... They each hav a good side n bad side... but not forgetting that most of us stood in the middle which r the grey portion..

Is it ever possible for someone to change his character? I guess not or maybe at most a little...

These few days.. i've been rather insecure.. thinking about questions whether we will stay together forever or not.. will it be the same as my past few relationships? Will it be over soon? Is there any future between the 2 of us?

However, the more i get answers, the more questions pop out in my mind...

But why I feel soo confuse and insecure? Is it because I dun trust him? or Is it the side effect of getting ditch by others?

Let it all go...... Dun think too much and believe him.. even if whatever happens.... I'll not regret, and prehaps it's one of the most interesting and special relationship i would have... I trust you with all my heart and try not to question anymore ok?! I try not to... heehee

it's a sunday morning and i reflected what i said yesterday.....
Hump... it's not like me to show my weak self.... so gotta stand up gal...... time to stand up and not think too much...

Though 8 years is a long long journey... yet i'm willing to stay by u...... This is my final decision... yup........ I will believe you:)

dear dear.......
as you dig deeper into me, will you start to feel afraid and overwhlemed?
The other side of me is quite dark... and i'm too scared to reveal... but as it unfolds, please dun give me up k? N i know that you won't..

As i fight the insecurities in me which have been left behind by my past... you have to endure it..
I'm sorry that it's unfair and i know you would not mind... just that.. please stay by me..as the dark clouds would slowly clear into the blue sky... Hopefully, the sun will shine upon us:)

But no matter what happens and what it is... it all happens because i Love you.. Get it?!