SHE.HER.

My sis ask me a question yesterday:
Why are you not sad? you just broke up isn't it?

I just smile and said ' don't know... Haha...'

'How come you can still laugh?'

'Dunnoe... haha... '

Recently, people have been thinking why am I staying positive...

Actually, the truth is: I am not... I smile because I scared I'll cry.
I laugh because I am trying to suppress my tears.
I stay happy because I scared that I would just break down...

Actually, I really feel very sad... Just that I dun want to make people around me worried...
I kept all his things away... so as not to miss him...
I dun dare to rest now... cause even as I sleep... I would dream about him...
I must keep myself occupied till I seems to forget everything...

Maybe I'm not suitable for loving someone ba...
Cause not feeling for someone is really hard...
Maybe this is just a starting phase... everything will be better...
Although things ended... but I can't help to feel its a pity... haizx..

I will strive hard!

From today on... I shall stop all my EMO-ness and look forward! That's the way it should be! You Go Girl!

Another day has passed like that... fast... and I just finish my second paper...

How are you? Are you fine? Are you feeling much better?

I am fine... I am still good... I am still studying hard...

I am still the same busy, I am still living happily... N I still misses you...

Stupid right? I know I am not supposed to right?

Maybe time will wash away everything and leave no traces of it...

Until then, I shall try my best to put things aside...

Lots of important things to say to you... Lots of things I wanna do with you... but it's a too late... no more chance. If there is one more chance... if there is... but till then, all these words will be meaningless le ba...

But in any case, no one wants this is happen... so do you. No one is at fault, no one would expect this.

Don't know why... I feel bugged the moment I know my sister send a message to scold him...

I really feel that he don't deserve this as he's also the victim... though partially responsible and involved...

Haizx... Is staying happy so difficult?

Actually, evan is realli a nice guy... just that he's an intimate person who tend to do things that people will misunderstand... which I feel that he should really limit himself... or he should think things through... I believe this is not the first time intimacy problem have surfaced... But well... that's him...

But beside that, he is just being a very good friend to someone whom he sees as a sister... haizx... seriously... it's realli not good for a girlfriend... esp when things between me n him not totally over yet... but it's okay. I know things are clean...
I just wonder have you ever missed me?...

If there is a chance... I would really like to meet up with him and talk things out.
Can someone up there please help me?

I might not be there for you as always like last time... but I'm sure you'll be okay.

This morning when I wake up... I've to face the fact that I've lost him.

There are thousands of words to say, things I wanted to do with him...

I dream again last night, that he say he's giving it all up...

I cried last night... cause things aren't going the way we want...

I am worried for him... cause I knoe he's deeply hurt too...

He's a victim, I'm a victim... everyone in this story are all the victims...

There is no right or wrong... just that everything took place earlier... which is bad enough...

All I ever wanted to do is to walk together with him, hand in hand... N both of us feeling happy...

But the situation have change, and things seems messy at this moment...

Evan... I hope you are feelin better...

God, what Have I done to deserve this? Is this what I deserve after all commitments and hard works?
I promise to be good, please let everyone be ok and happy again...
I dun like anyone to be hurt... be it John, Evan or that girl!

Drama after drama comes...

Haizx... sorry to ever cause you disturbance...
My sister do not know that you, me and john have clarify things... cause whatever she noes is only a short part in the afternoon...

But its a truth that I'm upset during the point when you do not trust me...

Me horz... have been working really hard... to make sure things work out.
Lookin forward to holidays, if there is ever a chance we can meet...
But things just happen ... n put us in a situation where we are not appropriate to...

I feel whatever efforts I've put is already a waste...
All I ever wanted is still at least could be friends with you...
Just a simple relationship and so on.

I hope you are feeling ok.

I know you are deeply hurt...
If there's only something I could do... as a friend...

Haizx... I keep having this feeling that you have lost trust in me... Or rather... lose trust in some people around you...

I did nothing wrong, I am conscious-free...

I hope my gut feelings are wrong... And that you still do believe in me...

In the future, there is still a long road ahead of us... lots of other obstacles... lots of pain... lots of happiness and lots of sadness... Let's be there for each other together irregardless as lovers or as friends...

To me, you are such a presence.

To me, loving someone is no longer about having him... making sure he's happy...

I dunnoe how much trust n faith is left in your heart... but i have something to say.
I know your character and intimacy towards friends long ago...
It is known.
I also know that you have viewed cheating as a stupid way of action as you could have simply just dump another n go for another...
So I am 100% certain that you will not cheat...

N let me say a thing... My elements of shock when I hear this news is more than anything... Not anger or sadness... Cheating never come across my mind.
And before I could process anything... ( which I feel that there's nothing much to process about, things change in a rapid flow that I could bearly catch up.

Why shock? cause I trust u and I trust John. So I have this feeling I cannot describe... just call it shock.

My feelings:
John tell me your stuff...
I have exams the next day...
N on the same day... he break news to you
You feel backstab
I feel confused...
cause at the end of the day...
I do not know the details of what's going on...
Only you 3 know it best or 4 ...
I am only an outsider who receive sms n msn with a fren telling me shocking stuff... n before anything could happen... it exploded... n u r angry...

N when u called me in a pissed off tone... I am wondering ' what have I done to make you angry...'
I understand your anger... I understand you feel betrayed...
But when you say you dunnoe to believe in my words cause it'll be John lying... If I say I am not hurt... I'll be lying...
But believe me that I believe you... that's y i do not ask a single question...
I always feel that if you believe in someone ... you will...
if you dun... no matter what he says, you will always think otherwise...

Indeed... I feel unfair...Because of all these, you decide to call shots at the end of the day as singles...

Yup things are simpler... But to me... things change dramatically when I'm being pulled into the situation...

Prehaps being friends is better for both of us.
Be happy my dear. I'll be happy too. Wish you luck.

Haizx... y u decide to kick me out of facebook?
Haizx...

I feel I have been living in bliss...

Mummy pack food and prepare lots of snacks for me to prepare me for exam periods...

REalli Blissful!! Thankx A lot!!!

I hope that you, on the other hand, is happy too...:)

Congrats to Poly Beauty and the staff for making a success for reaching new sales heights. We finally reach a higher level of sales target...
I really think that my dear sister did a good job to support the staffs... Well done.
As for me, this shows that the marketing strategy I did have a certain positive impact in increasing human traffic.

Let's aim for newer and higher heights everyone! This means higher target... but more money and bonuses to earn! Huat arh!!

Need to start saving for holiday, Jap lessons, driving lessons and other small small expenses!! I wan to learn piano, but I just sign up for gym package with sister... Hmmm... maybe next month can start...

Admist of exams...
never forget to plan for activities after exams... lol...
That's part of my practice...
As for this time, I've sign up gym with my sis, prep for short trips n holidays and saving money for driving lessons, jap lesson n aug taiwan trip...

Studying never fails to stress me up...

So a little bit of Kirarin Revolution never fails to pull me up again!

Kirarin Rocks!

It is an amazing feeling

Thinking that we are both studying at the same time although different places...

Studying hard for exams in this wee time of 3 plus, 4 plus, 5 plus... makes me feel closer...

I think its the caffine that makes me feel this way... lol

我为你加油的心意你收到了吗？

我一直觉得放弃才是逃避问题的最轻松的办法，但是我错了。。。
向前不容易。。。放弃需要很大的勇气和决心。。。
不管那一方面都要细心考量。。。
I can't wait to go to fu tou san, and ask them for directions...

evan... actualli i wanna get an amulet and pass it to you before you go aboard...
but I am afraid that this action will bring unpleasant feelings upon you...
regardless whatever, enjoy your trip...
Bon voyage.

bombarded with work everyday... work work work...
I seriously need a break from everything...
This semester is pretty tough for me... really tough...
But I pray everything will be alright when this sem's over...

我啊。。。 should be born a 笨蛋吧。。。
都快要没有了, going to be ditched soon le 还那么开心。。。

可能觉得因为能和你在一起是一件很幸福的事。。。

maybe straight after exams... I'll be away for a moment... will be back soon ba...

Need to prepare my feelings and heart... cannot be too 死缠烂打。。。不然会让人觉得烦。。。笨蛋。。Face it with a smile, that's my style!

Exams coming in less than 7 days time...
Gotta plan strategically the remaining time and work...

Jia you Shir Hee... u have lots of things you gotta do after exams!
Time for a change!

I seem to forget the most important thing in my life...

That is to be happy at all times...

I forget to shine...

I must recover my happiness again so as to let the people around me happy too...

To make them happy is one of the important things in my life.

Its time to remember that.

Time to say goodbye to EMO-ness and say Hello to happiness...

Its time for me to shine more...

Dear dear,
Today when me n my brother go shopping,
we talk about you...
He pointed out that your situation is different...
I have my paths laid out for me, even if I did not do well... I already have a business to inherit...
But you're different... you have your mother and you have only one route.
You need to strive hard in your studies so as to have a better life in the future.
You have a future that you need to crave out for you and your mother.
moreover, you need the time for your music, your dreams...

It would seems that I'm being very selfish all along... for complaining about you... really sorry...
If I ever attempt to keep you... it also seem very wrong...
but if i do not, I know I will regret...
very confusing situation...

I love this song, if anyone sing this song to me... I think I'll swear my undying love n loyalty UNCONDITIONALLY... I really mean it.. lol( I dun think anyone will really sing this to me cause no one would take this seriously anyway):

我喜歡...不，我愛 by 嚴爵( you might be listening to it now)

Dear dear...

I've been living quite happily these few months...I've been wondering am I a good gf to you or not...
No worries... when I do all these posting... its when I am takin a break or getting ready to sleep and start to ponder...

I start to feel I am really not a good girlfriend...
Actually, I really know that you are busy...
You could have 12 hours of council meeting or numerous meetings,
you have numerous of competition to prepare,
you have lots of projects and assignments to prepare,
and you have music stuff to take care of,
and your cats...
and your friends...
All these I know...

I was hoping I could do something...
So in the end, I try my best to go to school to support you...
I do not call you...
I only msg you to give you some encouragement.

When john tell me how busy you were( seriously i did not ask him abt this.. this is unexpectedly)
N when you tell me that you need a cooling off period...
I realise you might need me temporary off your life, so I decided not to contact you.
In order not to contact you, I have to pretend that we have broken up... erase your contact... so as not to msg you any longer... I was so sad that I cry almost every day...

But then when you contact me again.. to tell me I have not lose you...
I am very happy...
you sound very panicky and worried...
So i decided to msg you ...
I always thought that if someone every morning give me one sms... I will wake up and see a msg like: Morning darling... have a nice day ahead! this will sort of cheer me up in terms of hectic period.
But I realise it do not apply to you... stupid right?
Instead... it give you much disturbance... cause you msg me: you need more space.
So here I am again... not contacting you...

That day, I call you is because I wanna settle things: I wanna tell you that I want to stay by your side. But you say you prefer to put things after your taiwan holiday with a clearer mind. I accidentally make you feel irritated again, huh?
But then I decided not to say anything cause I scared I will give you unwanted pressure again.

All I wanted to do is to not give you any trouble... but it seems like I always give you unwanted attention at wrong times... haha...
I feel that I am really a bad girlfriend.
If you ever chose to dump me, I would consider that its partially my fault.

Me arh... really dunnoe what to do... cause what I've tried all failed... haha...

I dunnoe to cry or to laugh le. Trying my best to be an understanding gf but on the other end, become more disturbing...
Sorry leh dear...
Sorry if I ever add any more burden to you.
Maybe I'll be more selfish and spoiled... then things will be much easier for you ba.
I dunnoe what to do.. So maybe not doing anything will be better for you ba.

让你困扰是我最不想要造成的。。。but i always causing it... haha...

I still love you nevertheless... muackx.

Admist all the studying... I wun forget to eat well...

Today my mummy bring me to eat Laksa, Poh pia and Ching Teng... heavens!!!

But after eating... I feel like sleeping... Sianz... Cannot sleep too much... Must study study study...

Nice Song! My sis let me hear her favourite song...

Kissing You- Miranda Cosgrove

Sparks fly it’s like electricity
I might die when I forget how to breath
You get closer and there’s no where in this world I’d rather be
Time stops like everything around me is frozen
And nothing matters but these,
Few moments when you open my mind to things I’ve never seen

Cuz when I’m kissing you my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I’ve been trying to find
Falls right into place you’re all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I’m kissing you
When I’m kissing you it all starts making sense
And all the questions I’ve been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes when I’m kissing you

Past loves they never got really far
Walls up, make sure i've got in my heart
And I promise I wouldn’t do this
Till I knew it was right for me
But no one no guy that I met before
Could make me feel so right and secure
And have you noticed I loose my focus
And the world around me disappears

Cuz when I’m kissing you my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I’ve been trying to find
Falls right into place you’re all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I’m kissing you
When I’m kissing you it all starts making sense
And all the questions I’ve been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes when I’m kissing you

I’ve never felt nothing like this
You’re making me open up
No point in even trying to fight this
It kinda feels like it’s love

Cuz when I’m kissing you my senses come alive
Almost like the puzzle piece I’ve been trying to find
Falls right into place you’re all that it takes
My doubts fade away when I’m kissing you
When I’m kissing you it all starts making sense
And all the questions I’ve been asking in my head
Like are you the one should I really trust
Crystal clear it becomes when I’m kissing you

Dear dear..
A few days ago, wen wen tell me that you will not know even if I am EMO n sad...
But I tell her firmly that you know...
I dunnoe why I firmly believe that you will know... but I guess... its you know, but there's nothing you can do about it.
I know this is my one-sided thinking... please do not be disturbed by it..

Me arh... been studying the whole day yesterday...
but at the back of my head... I keep thinking about you... wondering what you are doing? are you still rushing over your assignments and what...

But I dun dare to sms-es you... cause I know that you will feel 'fan' if I sms you...
Not because of the fact I msg you, in fact I did not msg you everyday... but to you, I am a person who makes your heart and thinking messy those of person, however, this time you are really busy... you gotta shelve me aside.

I've to admit, I am sad cause you have to shelve me aside... but, this also means that I am of some importance to you... therefore, you choose to put it on pending mode instead of ending it right away. I hope I am right to think it this way.

But actually deep down, I am afraid... that I will become an unwanted presence to you...

I am hopelessly positive right? haha... Maybe because I am still in love with you ba... although I dunnoe how long my feelings can last... but I am glad that you did it this way...

Maybe you are slowly giving me up or considering to do so... but please... put me down gently... Let me continue this feeling till the day it disappear...

I personally like this song, its lyrics string a common chord with my soul...
Everytime when I am down, I listen to this song... it feels that I have the strength back again...
If you ever wonder why am I so positive... a simple reason: cause I know how to treasure... the fate between two parties might only come once in a lifetime be it frenz or lovers.
I missed out lots of good frenz n relationships out there...
When I think back, I always thought that if I had do something about it... but time can never turn back...

If there is a chance to meet the person the second time... dun ever lose the person again... IF there is a second chance...

没那么简单

没那麼简单就能找到聊得来的伴
尤其是在看过了那麼多的背叛
总是不安只好强悍
谁谋杀了我的浪漫

没那麼简单就能去爱别的全不看
变得实际也许好也许坏各一半
不爱孤单一久也习惯
不用担心谁也不用被谁管

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话随便听一听自己作决定
不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配電影
在周末晚上关上了
手机舒服窝在沙发裡

相爱没有那麼容易每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麼容易才会特别让人着迷
什麼都不懂的年纪
曾经最掏心所以最开心曾经

想念最伤心但却最动心的记忆

Been studying for a few days...

Today my sister ask me hear this song while she's driving:

Pyramid

Shawty's love is like a pyramid (oh)
We stand together to the very end (hey)
There never be a love for sure (oh)
Iyaz and Charice let we go

Charice:
Stones, heavy like the love you've shown (shown)
Solid as the ground we've known (known)
And I just wanna carry on
We took it from the bottom up (no no no)
And even in a desert storm (yeah)
Sturdy as a rock we hold (oh)
Wishing every moment froze
Now I just wanna let you know

Iyaz & Charice
Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us
Hurricanes can't take away our love

Chorus:
Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top, like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep on going
Forever we will stay, like a pyramid

Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh (ooh)
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh (ooh)
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh eh (oooh)

Charice:
Cold (cold), never ever when you're close (close)
We will never let it fold (fold)
A story that was never told
Something like a mystery

Iyaz:
And every step we took we've grown
Look how fast the time has flown
A journey to a place unknown
We're going down in history

Iyaz & Charice
Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us (oh)
Hurricanes can't take away our love

Chorus:
Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top, like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing (wind is blowing)
We'll never fall just keep it going (keep it going)
Forever we will stay, like a pyramid (eh oh)

Iyaz:
Like a pyramid girl I'ma show you
That I love you so much that we gonna get through
Even though the storms I will never go
I'ma be there once to keep you safe for was a love
Back in more than enough holding on to one to another
I'll be the curve when it's rough
Mother nature or disaster
One step a happy ever after

Charice:
Pyramid
Keep it going
Oh Oh Oh Oh Ohhh

Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock (solid rock)
It feels just like it's heaven's touch (Ohhhhh)
Together at the top, like a pyramid (like a pyramid)
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep it going (keep it going)
Forever we will stay, like a pyramid

Pyramid, keep it going (like a pyramid, like a pyramid)
Oh oh ooooh (like a pyramid, like a pyramid)

Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock (solid rock)
It feels just like it's heaven's touch (oooh)
Together at the top (at the top baby, at the top girl), like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep on going (keep it going)
Forever we will stay (Charice), like a pyramid (what what)

Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top (at the top baby, at the top girl), like a pyramid (pyramid)
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep it going
Forever we will stay (ooh), like a pyramid

Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh eh

Touch* Touch*
Thankx little Sis for cheering me on...
She and her boyfriend used to have the same situation just that theirs took place in polytechnic... She is the busy one, her bf is the slacking one...
but they manage to go through it...
She say do not give up on someone you really treasure... cause you dunnoe when is the next time you will ever meet one again...
Surprising my sis n bro both cheer me on... ask me to give evan more time.. n dun give him up... although i did not tell them much... but they still cheer me on...
First time man...
for my previous relationships, they ask me to forget it... but this time it's otherwise...

I am really blessed with lots of people who loves me...
I am really blessed.

I suddenly seems to see things simple again.
Actually, its simple.
I will face it head on.

Time to throw away the EMO-ness and start cracking...

She is Goh Shir Hee, 23 this year...

admitting that she is still hopelessly in love with her boyfriend, which even the blind could sense it...

And will accept anything her boyfriend decides, even if he decides to ditch her in the end or the soo call leave her...

Cause she knows that she will be still in love with him for a long time( not necessary a whole lifetime... but a long period of time...)
So in the end, leave or dun leave also makes not much difference to her any longer... cause she will also accept it if it means being a lover that have no communication...

People may find it dumb, and maybe the boy too... but she is really a dumb person...
A real dumb lass however, that is the only way she knows how to love him...

Cause she understands the simple thing about love is: making the person you love happy...

She is not sure whether whatever she is doing is right.. But she still do it...

Realising this thought... she decides to start studying for her exams and hopefully, he will call her soon... ...

I finish watching Kaiji. Good Movie. Its a liar game movie.

Life is like a gamble. N I've taken mine. As you take a gamble, lots of emotions will run up to you which decide the ultimate outcome.

I don't believe in playing mind games, but I believe what's yours will be yours eventually, no matter how many years it takes.
Its a matter of faith.

变化-何维健

海变成陆地
快乐的能变成悲剧
那么爱会不会变成了麻痹
沙变成天梯
丑陋的能变成美丽
那么你会不会变成我的仇敌

我不是挑剔
可怕的变局
随时都在背后偷袭

Chorus:
时间会把我把你都变成了灰烬
从勇气变距离没有人能够保证永远一起
时间会把我把你都变成了回忆
那时候有没有一个不会为时间而变化的你

Bridge:
分开追逐着相聚
心酸渴望着甜蜜
我们都是一样
穷得只剩下空虚
我买不起我不确定绝望谷底又没有奇迹

时间会把我把你都变成了灰烬
从勇气便距离不变的幸福只是一种距离
时间会把我把你都变成了回忆
那时候有没有一个是你爱我我爱你最完美的结局
爱使我变成了你最想忘记的回忆

This song reminds me of the times when you are standing on the stage singing during Impressario and I am down stage... watching you...

You are really sparkling when you are on stage...

I will always be supporting you, your NUMBER ONE fan... haha...

Dear dear...

I've been thinking for the past few months this question:
Should I give you up?

I really really dun want to give you up.

But I have to admit one thing that your friend tell me:
Your priority list do not have me now.
In fact, you do not need me now.
Maybe I am the last person you need now.

I need some strength to carry on.
My feelings towards you n the bond we have is the strength I've been holding on till now.
What should I do now? It seems like every sign every thing is telling me its time to give up ... cause you dun need me any longer...

I have to admit this cause you did tell me that I'm not in your priority list...

Maybe if I did not appear in front of you, things will be easier... all these would just disappear... You will not have to spend your time having headache over me n spend it on your assignments n music n frenz...

What should I do? What should I do?

I still love you... how?

I've been walking towards you all along... maybe I should start to stop.

I've been listening to this song:

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Self Reflection:

After been through happiness,sadness and anger... what's left? I don't know.

Amazingly, I've been reflecting on my actions for these past few months.

I've been working really hard in this relationship, I wonder why?
Is it because I really really love him? Or is it because I am just afraid that he will just disappear? Or am I just afraid of facing loneliness again?
Suddenly I realise... All these questions direct to only one answer.
He is very important to me. More than I could imagine.

I've to admit, all these while I've been sticky... but that does not necessary means so do my feelings.

But then again... is it because I'm stubborn? Maybe.

The funny thing now is: Now I've start to become a topic he want to avoid for now. Maybe its because he's having exams or what. But, the truth remains: the relationship become something he wants to avoid.
All I have work hard for, in the end: it becomes like this.
If I say, I'm not hurt. I'll be lying.

Managing this relationship requires lots of trust and faith especially in a relationship with very little communication. I trust him.

And as I type this entry. A fly got into my Milo... lol... N I drink it unknowingly... I want to puke le... lol..

Back:
I wonder is there anything more I could do. Anything?
You may find me stupid. But I'm realli not clever.
I am not a good girlfriend. I cry easily. I throw temper easily. I get jealous easily. I want long phone calls, frequent ones. I am someone who requires a little more commitment from the other person. I am so stupid that I make him angry very easily, make him hurt, make him feel disturb, unhappy. I am this kind of presence.

If I am a little more selfish. Maybe it will be better.

You know what. what makes me sad most is not that at the end of the day, after working hard, I get nothing. It hurts most when the one you love the most is not happy at all.

Breaking a relationship is easy. Holding 2 person in a relationship is hard. Maintaining your life, study, work, love and friends is even harder. I want to try my best to achieve this.

You might not realise the importance of yourself to me. You can are someone I want to just ditch away or what. You are not someone 'if I am not with I'll be happier.' Definately not some any guy who can replace. You are someone I want to treasure. Someone I want to hold on. You are important.
And I hope I am to you. Definately not someone that any girl in the future can replace...

Definately without you, I'll be more free. I've more choice. Less chances of getting sad or unhappy. But SO WHAT?
To me, its just part of life that I've to go through.Even without you, I still have to go through it, no less.I will not be necessarily happy without you. I cannot predict the future, I don't know.

Environment change so does people changes. SO WHAT? Environement change all the time, in the past it also change, now also change, future will also change. So should we treasure everyone we have from the past til now as we embrace the future? Anything not happy, just say and do it.

Ending a relationship with you is really easy. But I still holding on to it, stupid right? Maybe if I am clever a little more, I could have let go and end it easily. Make you less worry, less unhappy, lesser things to think about...

People say I make you feel too safe. But I cannot help it. I don't like to keep too much things from you. I don't like the idea of lookin at other guys. I just simply don't like.

I am really sorry for being so stupid, that I cannot help it... I cannot control my feelings, I always rely on it, always make you worry, angry... Sometimes, I forget about not to think of you everyday... realli sorry... That day I call you, make you feel a little irritated... really sorry too... didn't mean it... I just feel like talkin it out...

I am really a stupid ger... I really feel like taking my brain out to wash...
And as I write this post... I start to tear again... stupid right?

Evan,

If u still love me, can u treat me a little better?

Last night, I keep thinking:

How badly do you still want to be with me?
What am I exactly to you? Am I still important?

All I want is a little more commitment from you...
Can we SMS each other at least once a week?
Can we see each other once one month?
Can I go visit you in hall?
Can you let me be more involve in your life, or do you still want to get involve with me?
Evan dear... please ask these question to yrself...

You know what? I know that I am not suppose to think about you... I might have lose the right to already.

I keep thinking how to get myself involve with you, keep on tryin n tryin when ppl tell me to give up...
Keep on trying til I got myself hurt...
But then, I forget the question that is whether u wanna me to get near you or not...
Stupid right?
Although I know everytime I think of you, my heart hurts...
But you know arh... I am stupid... sometimes I forget that I'm not suppose to think about you... N I'll start to tear again...

Can I be a little closer towards you?

I feel tired... realli tired... Can this time... be your turn to walk towards me???

Are you willing to give ourselves one last chance??

Evan Goh! You must Succeed in your exams!! Good Luck Dear!!! All the Best!

Today went shoppin n movie with Ah jie...

We watched how to train your dragon... its very der nice!!! Must Watch!!

Then we go shop shop in Ion, taka etc etc... n talk our hearts n lungs out... LOL...

I'll be learning driving next month as well as taking up Japanese classes with Yi xin, sylvia... n Qi jie may be joining...

This is the first time I go out with a guy n nvr ask him or tell him...
Maybe its because I've lost the right to, n maybe there's not a need to... either one... I could've predict his ans if I ever ask him... he would say: 'its up to you' or ' Ok, Enjoy...' or ' its your choice'... but whatever it is.. he will not object to it...

Qi jie invited me to go rendang with his sec sch frenz... N most prob, I'll be asking my Uni buddies over...
I guess... this time will be the same as the other times... Evan will not object to it or what...

Its realli a sad feeling which I dun need to ask him or inform him any longer... N its weird cause I feel sad over it...

The worst thing was: I dun even have the courage to SMS him or Call him any longer... lol... simply because I miss him too much... N I'm scared I'll be in tears right away the moment I hear his voice...
This is what I realise when qi jie ask me to call him... I simply couldn't...
I scared that I'll be disturbing him, I scared that I'll be waiting n expecting his replies, I scared that I'll be simply disappointed when there are no replies at all... N what I'm scared is... I'll rely on him all over again...
I should let him go... it's almost time to let him go...
The extend of missing him is too deep... its crazy... I dream of him almost every night... I dream of us talkin happily etc...

N now, talkin to him face to face is like something that might never came true...

But whatever it is, I hope you will be happy, N you must be happy... cause this is the route that you've chosen... N I'll respect your decision n wish you happiness...

dear dear...

dear dear...

where is my dear dear? haizx...

Hope that one day, just one day... you will call me...

N one day, jusy one day... we'll finally meet...

Please do not purposely hide from me... cause it's not going to be any better...

Even if you dun like me, or hate me... please meet me n tell this straight in my face...
I promise, I'll give up on you straight away...

So please... just once... call me n meet up k...
I'll patiently wait for that day to arrive... N pray very very hard... N do more good deeds...

Project period come to an end, n exams r pushin further...
I seriously suspect there is something wrong with my body as there is internal bleeding when I went to the toilet...
My weight have been dropping no matter how much I eat...
N I am still missing someone...
Somehow, after I dream of you... I will wake up in tears...

I'll be going to body check-up one of these days, N hopefully, everything is fine...
If I ever happen to hav a tumor or watever within my excreating organs... just like what my doctor n nurses frenz say... just pray that I'll be fine...

Hopefully, I dun need to go operation... haizx...

In any case, I will be pickin up driving lesson n piano lesson soon...
Trying to be more independent more...
Hmm... but y piano lesson...?? Say already people might find it dumb... But I feel that if I do some music related stuff... maybe one day I would meet him ba... Maybe I'll be able to meet him sooner...

People will wonder why not guitar??? cause my fingers can not have rough patch... my job will not allow it , so does my mum... hahaha...

I look forward to the day we will meet...Hopefully by then, I'll be able to play a piano piece for you to listen:)

After watching Enchanted, after lots of trouble, happy and sad times... everybody lives happily ever after...

I hope u guys too, including you;) So will I.

Happy good friday everybody!!! Hope everyone is using this time to rest n catch up with their work...
As time goes by, my project work is coming to an end... hopefully, our efforts pay off...

N as time goes by, I'm still missing somebody... which is amazing... lol

Anyway, hope you r doin well... n living happily...
Though I dunnoe will you come back or not... but I'm keepin by my promise
I dunnoe if i'm being stubborn or realli patient, but I know that I'm still waiting...
Not because there's no one chasin me or someone with good qualities haven appear... lol... ( PS: I am NOT into handsome guys, plus, I dun believe in qualities...)
Just purely that I believe in the feelings we share during those 2 years... I noe its kinda risky n dumb... but I've to admit... I'm not clever, lol

I have to be frank that I dun believe in the waiting period etc cause I've been con n hurt deeply once... by u noe who...
but this time I choose the same route because I purely believe in the feelings we have...

Maybe, one day... when the feelings fades away, memories becomes blurred, I would not be waitin ba... I dunnoe... But whatever it is, just wanna let you know, I respect whatever you do, N I'll pray silently for your well being...( that's the best I can do ba, i guess...)

These few days have been veri busy, veri hectic... but well... its fun:)))

I've been dreaming abt him... but veri funny dreams such as we are in the same uni, but diff hall, so we end up being competitors with each other etc... haha...

Sometimes, see his facebook tagline, can't help it but to feel worry for him... e.g got owned by his grpmates etc... but I can only see and pray hard for him...
I cannot ask him anything cause I know I've lost the right to do so, or rather, somethings is better left not asked...

In any case, I've been living happily and well... semester is over and only one project is due for next week...

I hope you are well, and I know you will... Stay happy, and strong and get enough sleep... cause I saw yr fren's comments that u r not...n sleepin in classes...

Jia you, so am I:)) I'll pray hard for your well being:))