Self Reflection:

After been through happiness,sadness and anger... what's left? I don't know.

Amazingly, I've been reflecting on my actions for these past few months.

I've been working really hard in this relationship, I wonder why?
Is it because I really really love him? Or is it because I am just afraid that he will just disappear? Or am I just afraid of facing loneliness again?
Suddenly I realise... All these questions direct to only one answer.
He is very important to me. More than I could imagine.

I've to admit, all these while I've been sticky... but that does not necessary means so do my feelings.

But then again... is it because I'm stubborn? Maybe.

The funny thing now is: Now I've start to become a topic he want to avoid for now. Maybe its because he's having exams or what. But, the truth remains: the relationship become something he wants to avoid.
All I have work hard for, in the end: it becomes like this.
If I say, I'm not hurt. I'll be lying.

Managing this relationship requires lots of trust and faith especially in a relationship with very little communication. I trust him.

And as I type this entry. A fly got into my Milo... lol... N I drink it unknowingly... I want to puke le... lol..

Back:
I wonder is there anything more I could do. Anything?
You may find me stupid. But I'm realli not clever.
I am not a good girlfriend. I cry easily. I throw temper easily. I get jealous easily. I want long phone calls, frequent ones. I am someone who requires a little more commitment from the other person. I am so stupid that I make him angry very easily, make him hurt, make him feel disturb, unhappy. I am this kind of presence.

If I am a little more selfish. Maybe it will be better.

You know what. what makes me sad most is not that at the end of the day, after working hard, I get nothing. It hurts most when the one you love the most is not happy at all.

Breaking a relationship is easy. Holding 2 person in a relationship is hard. Maintaining your life, study, work, love and friends is even harder. I want to try my best to achieve this.

You might not realise the importance of yourself to me. You can are someone I want to just ditch away or what. You are not someone 'if I am not with I'll be happier.' Definately not some any guy who can replace. You are someone I want to treasure. Someone I want to hold on. You are important.
And I hope I am to you. Definately not someone that any girl in the future can replace...

Definately without you, I'll be more free. I've more choice. Less chances of getting sad or unhappy. But SO WHAT?
To me, its just part of life that I've to go through.Even without you, I still have to go through it, no less.I will not be necessarily happy without you. I cannot predict the future, I don't know.

Environment change so does people changes. SO WHAT? Environement change all the time, in the past it also change, now also change, future will also change. So should we treasure everyone we have from the past til now as we embrace the future? Anything not happy, just say and do it.

Ending a relationship with you is really easy. But I still holding on to it, stupid right? Maybe if I am clever a little more, I could have let go and end it easily. Make you less worry, less unhappy, lesser things to think about...

People say I make you feel too safe. But I cannot help it. I don't like to keep too much things from you. I don't like the idea of lookin at other guys. I just simply don't like.

I am really sorry for being so stupid, that I cannot help it... I cannot control my feelings, I always rely on it, always make you worry, angry... Sometimes, I forget about not to think of you everyday... realli sorry... That day I call you, make you feel a little irritated... really sorry too... didn't mean it... I just feel like talkin it out...

I am really a stupid ger... I really feel like taking my brain out to wash...
And as I write this post... I start to tear again... stupid right?